me ... as a mother ...

it has been months since i last logged into my blog. the truth is, i didnt hv much time 4 myself since ammar discharged frm the hospital, i dont sleep well, only 3-4 hrs a day as ammar is still on 3 hourly feeding at home, i’m just sooo bz doing things and chores, it's like never ending story when it comes 2 house chores.

it's really a big challenge 2 be a working mother esp when you hv a 9 mths old baby n a 6 yrs old boy at home. i also hv 2 teenage girls n 12 yrs old boy too but these days u cant really rely on them, kids nowadays are so forgetful, they tend 2 forget what you told them 2 do ... the result??? my whole house is like a ship wrecked!

funny thing is, when i start nagging or yelling (not really yelling lah, just a bit of high pitch) automatically they remembered everything n knows what they should do! it's really different when i was about their age (14-15 yrs), i did my chores before my mum starts nagging at me.

now i realized that it's not easy 2 hv n 2 raise a teenager... i hv 2 currently living wth me! i dont really have much problem wth the younger ones but the eldest gave me headaches ... bear wth me, she gave n cause a lot of problems 2 us. i tried so hard 2 understand her, i really hv tried my best but it didnt work, i puzzled at times, i really wonder why is she still doing all the things that we (my husband n i) forbid her from doing. i'm tired of nagging her .. so i quit nagging n now on silent treatment (i only talk 2 her when the needs arise) n hope it'll work.

i was so dissapointed n sad when one day her best friend came 2 me n told me that this 'ungrateful girl' told her teachers and friends that she hated me since the day i married to his father.

yes, i am married to a divorcee wth 3 children. i met my darling hubby 8 years ago, at that time i worked as a secretary 2 his friend. never thought in my life that i would marry a divorcee, but that is what love do, love is something u cant predict ... and so, after a year of courting, we got engaged ... a year later officially became husband & wife.

anyway ... back 2 the story, the younger sister told me the same stories too. at the same time this 'ungrateful girl' creates her own version on how her father ignores them n send them 2 the shelter (this was when my hubby and his ex were officially divorced), and so she had 2 look after her younger sister n brother!!! my husband hurts so much when he heard about the news … who wouldn’t right??

she hated me so much, fine wth me, but why did she creates stories about her father, her flesh and blood, which is why i call her 'ungrateful girl'. she is sooo magnetic wth problematic friends ... ran away frm home, pregnant, school drop out etc. i really dont know what i should do 2 change her 2 be better person n appreciates life.

the latest, we caught her red handed when she skipped from school last week, we thought this 'ponteng sekolah syndrome' is new but actually she has been doing this since june ... not everyday but still ... she is not supposed to skip school!!! aarrgghh!! aku bengang giler!! don’t know what i should do wth this girl … sigh..

but whatever lah, kadang2 malas nak piker byk2, got lots of things in mind … i hv to set my priorities and other important things, for example, 4 other kids to be taken care of esp ammar.

of course all this is a very …really tiring process for me, physically and mentally, i guess this is what it takes to raise a children tak kisah brp ramai anak kita ada, the challenge is still there.

as a human being, aku tak lepas dari buat silap but i’ll try my best and do whatever it takes to raise them to be somebody (ayat poyonya ialah saya akan berusaha sedaya upaya saya utk mendidik anak2 saya menjadi org yg berguna).